Technicolor

Another day in the healing process going well. The impressive bruising is already fading, and the three incisions healing very well. Dr Edge does good work. I am pleased with my decision to have breast conserving surgery. I know my activity would be much more limited for much longer, had I opted for mastectomy and reconstruction. I am very lucky that the tumor was found early enough to give me that option. Now the next question is further treatment. The radiation will proceed in about 6 weeks as part of the lumpectomy decision. The question of chemo or not will be addressed on Wednesday, with Dr Tracey O'Connor, my medical oncologist. The ball is in her court now. She has just returned from vacation, so I was very lucky that Dr Edge got me fit in to her schedule so promptly. The decision is a bit of a gray area, because the size of the tumor is small and the lymph nodes clear, but because it is ER negative cancer and a different kind of cancer than I had before, that puts the meter towards chemo. It is a grade three, which is aggressive, so I'm thinking chemo may be necessary. I guess I have thought this all along actually, so it will be a bonus, if she feels it isn't required at this time. We are hoping we get to go back to Mexico before radiation, but We are hearing chemo might start sooner than we thought, so everything is up in the air until WEDNESDAY!The sun has been shining regularly but it is cold. I think Ron and I have become resigned to winter since we have been trapped here by circumstance. Can always be worse!

February 27

Had a pretty good day yesterday, with an outing for breakfast to my friend Debbie's lovely restaurant, "Knead the Dough", in Ransomville. Then to Strong Memorial Hospital to visit my friend Marty's husband Terry, in the heart transplant unit.

While on the drive back we talked to Dr Edge, who told us the results of the pathology report. The tumor was 8mm, quite small and with no spread to lymph nodes and clear margins. All good, but with it being ER negative cancer, apparently it is still a "gray" area for needing chemo or no. Chemo would be done before radiation and all that is up to the medical oncologist. We are waiting to be given an appointment. There seems to be no way to speed things up. We are hostage.

I find this very frustrating waiting, but when I think of the people waiting in the transplant unit for their lives to begin again, I feel ashamed of my impatience.

February 25

Now it is 48 hours post surgery, and I got to have a shower and wash my hair. What Pleasure. I really feel good today. I had a good sleep last night because I cut down on the pain pills, that were making me pretty high, and took a little benadryl. I had only dozed a couple of hours yesterday, since surgery, and was getting pretty wound up by yesterday afternoon. Those are pretty good drugs they gave me!! The incisions look great and although I have some pretty impressive bruising, I know that will soon be gone and replaced by a nice tan. What could be better than that??

Still no firm schedule for Mexico, but I am hoping for Monday or Tuesday of next week. I think that is quite doable. Ron is also feeling much better today. Thank you all, for your kind thoughts. If I missed replying to anyone, please try again and we will blame the drugs! I was more "out to lunch" than ususal yesterday.

Further to Feb 23

Yes I feel a little wound up! I wanted to point out to you the Monet Art of the day. I was thinking it should be the famous bridge picture we all know , but I remember we have already seen that one. This is a painting I am not familiar with at all, but I really love it. Although not a bridge, it is a lovely path; doesn't that look like Mexico in the distance? and the steps of a pyramide? Okay, maybe I am hallucinating just a little. But I wanted you to see through my eyes!

February 23

Yes, I am alert, and a little high on prescription drugs and on how well I feel. No wonder the druggies like that hydrocodone! I am not even sleepy. Anyone feel like going out to salsa??? My throat isn't even sore because they used such a small breathing tube!

Ron is sleeping off the stress. He had a difficult night and a visit to ER this morning with sawdust stuck in his eye. I tried to help him in the morning, but he didn't wake me when he started having trouble about 2:30 this morning, and when he did we had barely enough time to dress and get to the hospital for 7:30. It required professional help anyway though.

I have a couple of small incisions, no big deal. They only had to sample two lymph nodes this time and they were CLEAR. Another bridge has been crossed successfully. And I am quite confident that it is the bridge to Mexico we just crossed. I am so happy about my decision on surgery type. I don't have to change my whole wardrobe!! I am having a little trouble typing though, and perhaps the judgement centers of my frontal lobe are a little impaired, so perhaps I should go have a nap now, before I say something to embarass us all. Oh, the temptation to be outrageous!

February 23 STEP 1 - Surgery is behind us!

From the recovery room - the surgery is over and everything went well. Dee is alert and in good spirits. More to follow later.

February 22 Sunday

Okay, Okay, so I have a small hangover today. Lets hope I have a good liver. Those Barley's are such good company, and we had a nice dinner on Saturday, that went on a ways in to Sunday.

We were up and out early Sunday morning to Lockport to review a couple of houses, with Cameron and Jessica, back home for Breakfast with Paul and Sharon, and back to bed for a few hours. Not a real productive day, but it was a good one and passes the time!

Ron is still suffering from sinus problems, despite still being on antibiotics. He has been fighting a mighty sinus headache, but, unlike mine, not because of wine. Tonight he is feeling somewhat better, and I hope it will be okay for him tomorrow. We need to be at the hospital at 7:30. The day could be a little long for him, but they will have some good drugs for me.

What a lovely winter sunset it was tonight, the snow tinged rose and blue. The sky was a brilliant orange, blue, rose/lavender and purple. What a picture it made. I don't mind looking at the scenery from inside, where it is warm. Early this morning it was a bit of a blizzard for awhile, but spring is coming. The sun is getting pretty strong. There are good ice conditions on Lake Muskoka for snowmobiling, for Chuck and MaryAnne's return. But, I think I'll just wait in Mexico for spring.

I made a couple of big pots of soup tonight that should last us a few days if no-one feels like cooking. Soup is so simple, and great for hangovers!

I need to get packed for the hospital!

February 20

Not too much new to share today. Thanks for all your messages of encouragement! I am mentally and I hope, physically ready for surgery on Monday. I even stopped drinking! (almost). No Ibuprofen for 6 weeks or more, and very little Tylenol. My liver should be able to handle a few drugs. The great bedroom remodel project is nearly done. We're ready.

February 19, POSITIVE BLOGATIVE

This is the best day I have had since the last Biopsy report. No, even better, because this one is for real benign, not even a radial needing excision, just plain old benign. So that leaves one breast cancer already identified and one radial scar to add to the lumpectomy surgery. No Mastectomy!

No problem, we can deal with this. Monday, Feb 23, is the day; I will find out the time tomorrow, but that doesn't even matter because I didn't have any other plans for Monday anyway.

We'll have to do our own Carnaval parade on Saturday night. I can have pancakes on Tuesday if I want.

I'm already too late for MaryAnn and Allan's wonderful dinner party. We hope to be back in time to have some adventures with Chuck and MaryAnne before they head back to winter on March 3.

Dr Edge probably had some plans for Monday, but he is generously giving up his day off to try to get us on our way back to Mexico

Anyone else out there tired of winter? The bus is leaving soon!

I need to get started on my Mexican Radiation program. "Careful Vitamin D Acquisiton on the Playa Desnudo"(Casa Margarita's roof). Vitamin D is a potent anti-carcinogen. I like this PLAN!

February 18

Enjoyed a nice dinner out with friends last evening in Oakville. It was wonderful to catch up a little with Brian and Carmel and Avril and Steve. We hope to see Avril and Steve in Yucatan in March, and are working on Brian and Carmel to join us there too!

Today the snow started again and it is overcast. I miss the sun as soon as it is gone, although it has been pretty good for sunshine this year. MaryAnn tells me that reports from Muskoka say the lake is a giant skating rink, smooth ice everywhere. Not the best conditions for snowmobiling. She is planning on being back up there soon after March 3. Hope the ice holds for that. I hope to be in Merida, shortly after March 3!

February 17

Another day, another biopsy behind me. At Roswell for 9:00 am after a nice breakfast in Buffalo. I.V. started with my help, Sarah seems a little inexperienced, gave her some of my I.V. starting secrets. "I hate being the patient. Liked being the nurse better." They had told me that some anti-anxiety medication would be available, no problem, but that seemed to be out of the ordinary for them. We stuck to our request, and got a little pill, (maybe placebo) There seemed to be a little bit of a feeling to it. Like one drink maybe. Maybe next time I'll have the drink! At least I didn't get the shakes and a big blood pressure drop, this time. Procedure seemed quicker this time and the compression less uncomfortable. Keeping that still is difficult though, and my ribs get very sore, laying like that. Came home and ate lunch and slept all afternoon. Tonight we have a dinner out with friends in Burlington. Hope I can stay awake. Sleep=oblivion, I like it there. About two days and we should finally know the game plan.

February 16

It was a great weekend with the family. On Friday, I spent some time with my daughter-in-law, Jessica, did some shopping for Valentines Day and got ready for Reagan's visit. When I got back home, Mom Poland was there and we had tea, and planned the weekend.

On Saturday, Tyler and Amy and the children came for a visit. We planned a lunch, and ate together, when Reagan arrived with Cameron and Jessica. It was a late lunch because Reagan's flight was delayed. She was pretty tired but looked wonderful to her mother. We missed Bing as he is away in the Phillipines, on a mission doing Facial Surgeries. Unfortunately, Bing was suffering from a nasty virus when he left and feeling pretty rough. I hope that he is feeling better now.

Ron got me a wonderful teak porch rocker for Daisy Island for Valentines day, some beautiful balloons and some toy goats. I wonder what it means when you get a rocker for Valentines Day instead of lingerie though???? (Editors Note: We understand that your partner thought the rocking chair would be the perfect complement for the vegetable slicer and tablecloth he recieved from you for Valentines Day. He reportedly felt that the romantic part of the gift was the hand-held portable full-length mirror, the heavilly plagiarized poem about personal livestock and the Kama Sutra bi-modal sheep-goats he had given you along with the rocker. No offence was apparently intended in not gifting lingerie). For dinner Ron cooked live lobsters and steak. It was just great. Tristan and Makenna, were quite fascinated with the whole process. They preferred to eat the steak though, as more familiar to them. Cameron and Jessica brought me some wonderful yellow roses, my favorite flowers that always remind me of my mother.

On Sunday morning, Ron and I, Reagan and Nana, went out to look at two houses with Cameron and Jessica ,which they were considering. We all enjoyed the exercise and Reagan was very interested in the process of assessing houses and what to look for. Ron and I shared with them our extensive experience at house hunting, and offered to look for a house in Texas for Reagan. Maybe one with an in-law suite. We also pointed out that we learned a lot from our mistakes in house buying, like once having bought a house without realizing that it had not a single closet in the entire house.

Later in the day, we gathered at home, had some lunch, and then Barb, Laura and Sarah Winberg arrived. Tyler and Amy were unable to join us for the afternoon. Barbara, Laura and Sarah gave us valuable lessons in the making of Sushi. We had a wonderful, fun time making and eating sushi before having a dinner of ham and scalloped potatoes. Ron was feeling the need for a long siesta, so missed a lot of the making process, but was available for the eating part. We were very sorry that Tyler and Amy and the children missed such a good time. Laura and Jessica met for the first time in person, and everyone enjoyed a good visit.

On Monday, Ron and I got up very early and took Reagan to the airport for her return flight to California. Monday was a fairly quiet day, trying to get organized for Biopsy Day tomorrow.

Now we are watching a program on lobotomy. Makes me feel pretty lucky today.

February 11....continued

I have just heard from Karen Furlani, NP, that Dr Edge has "penciled" me in his schedule for Monday, Feb 23. This is not his surgery day normally, but as I explained to the nurse practitioner, I was promised by Dr Edge that this error made by their department to not deal with everything in the biopsy on Feb 5, would not result in unnecessary delay in my treatment.

Which is why I was upset when told that I would not be booked for surgery until after the results were in from the biopsy and it takes several weeks to fit me in to the schedule, after that. It appears Dr Edge did not forget his promise, but apparently no-one else knew that, including me. There still could be a change again, if I need mastectomy after all, as the surgeon who does the reconstruction is not available that day. But I guess I'll have to cross that bridge if I get there. At least I have a tentative date now.

February 11.....continues....

It is raining all day. Soon I can look at a sea of mud and dead grass instead of snow. A small improvement!

They are still trying to treat me like a simple patient. Got to Dr Edge's Nurse practitioner and got the same story about the way things are done, and why I should be patient with all this. Surgery not scheduled until after the biopsy, Blah Blah Blah,! After I walked her through the history, I think she may have got some of it, but quoted a low risk of radial scar being cancer, which I corrected her on from two studies, that showed 16% and 30%. Not my kind of odds, even if I was a gambler. Then, tried to convince me that my cancer isn't likely changing much while all this waiting goes on.

The way I see it, I am skating close to the line on needing chemo or not needing chemo, and I don't like those odds being F****** with. Go ahead and tell me how long it takes a given cancer to grow from .6cm to 1.0 cm, when it may have changed from .6 to .8 in three weeks. (May or may not be camera angle) Maybe I'm not supposed to read these things they give me and really think about them????

P.S. I think a new summer hat is a good idea. Looks like I am going to really need one or two, too. Couldn't resist Two, Too.

Might be time to turn in to my alter ego that my kids would recognize: "Attila, the MOM" (their name for me when their efforts at getting justice, were not satisfied, and the heavy was needed.) I don't like being held hostage, I want a DATE!!!!

Dr Edge is to call tonight or tomorrow. He promised me a date soon after the biopsy, even if he had to do it on his day off. I don't intend to wait until I am told on the 19 when I get the results that he is out of town for college visits with his daughter. I already know he is going to be out of town on Feb 19, as that is when my post-op visit was originally scheduled back when I was having surgery today.

What am I to do with these feelings? To quote my niece Jennifer, many years ago. "Lets go out in the Woods and Kill Something". She was about 8 or 10 I think. Poor Ron, He doesn't know what to do with me, because he's upset too!

February 11

This was to be my surgery day, and I am so frustrated that I still do not know the day that this will be dealt with. I have another call in to my surgeon because now the office is telling me that I won't have a surgery date given until Feb 19, after the biopsy result. That would put me three plus more weeks beyond Feb 19 potentially, and I find that quite distressing.

I feel like I have been living with this knowledge too long already. I need this to be dealt with now. Anyone interested could look at "Radial Scar, Breast" on the net. It explains why this must be dealt with this way, but it should have been thought of before I asked them how they would find the other spot, when there was only a clip at one of the two. The ball has been dropped and it is rolling away.

February 10,

Well as this day ends, I am trying to be more philosophical about what has happened. After all what are we really talking about. Only a few more weeks...... in this disgusting climate, having disgusting procedures, waiting for a disgusting surgery, for a disgusting reason. But" IT COULD BE WORSE! " In the words of Igor "Young Frankenstein". " It could be raining...." or fill in the blanks. Worse, would have been asking the question, after it was already too late to go back, and do it right.

So our return is delayed, Reagan is still coming for a visit. The sun will come up and go down. The procedure will be survived, and I will likely still get the type of surgery I am hoping for. I just want to get this behind me and get off of "Pause" The next biopsy will be Feb 17. I do not yet have a surgery date.

February 10 . . . A Major Frustration

Yesterday's jubilation was short-lived. I received a call from Dr. Edge today. My medical team at Roswell conferred last night and collectively decided that more testing is warranted before surgery. The "radial scars" (term for the other growths under investigation) can be problematic. The new dates for testing and surgery are unknown. This is not likely to change the outcome, but may alter the nature of the surgery and treatment, and will certainly alter the date on which I can resume life as I knew it before December.

And so I find myself in limbo again - ready, no, desperately wanting to proceed, but deferring to the insight and judgement of the experts in whose hands I place my body. If patience is a virtue, I am less virtuous today.

And so I will place my life on hold for an indeterminate time. I will keep you posted as I learn more.

February 9 And the winner is . . .


I just got off the phone with Dr. Edge, and I've won the consolation prize. The new areas sampled by biopsy last week are not cancer!!!!!! The only cancer is the tumor already identified and scheduled for removal this Wednesday.

For the sake of completeness and to assure they never give me trouble in the future, Dr. Edge will remove the additional tissue in the areas during the surgery, but the procedure will be a lumpectomy,with sentinel lymph node biopsy, not a mastectomy. I am very pleased with this result. I am happy to be elegible for the least invasive surgery possible, followed by a course of radiation, and hopefully a quick recovery in the Yucatan Sun.

Another day . . another sample

February 5

Another day with my helpers at Roswell! We went early to the MRI suite, for another core biopsy procedure by Dr Lori Scorza. The target was very tiny so the procedure involved my being clamped securely by my left breast into a table that could be moved in and out of the MRI machine. That looks like a windy tunnel, for those of you who have not had the pleasure of meeting this machine. The table was equipped with plastic plates like a mammogram machine, (we older ladies should all be familiar with this torture devise). The only difference is that you are on your face in the table, and one of the plates has a grid on it through which the biopsy sample is taken, when the MRI has determined the placement of the needle is correct.

I think Dr Scorza is very good at what she does, and exudes the confidence typical of a high acheiver! She reminded me a lot of my daughter actually. She was very kind and her part of the job was quite quick. All together is was about one and a half hours clamped in the table, instructed not to move a muscle. So who could move anyway??? It doesn't hurt that much, as after about 15 min, you are quite numb anyway. There was a little bruising, but not that much discomfort afterwards. I did get quite chilled and shaky after I got finished for awhile. I guess my body felt a little assaulted.

Ron was a wonderful support to me, through all this, sleeping in a chair in the waiting room, suffering through the last days of his cold, I hope. I don't know what I would do without him.

Now it is just to try to keep busy, while I wait for the word on the results on Monday. This will be the basis on which I decide the extent of the surgery I will have next Wednesday.